You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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