I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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