The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
