one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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