Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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