I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My feet surprised me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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