ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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