maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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