dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now