My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
