every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"