Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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