No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
