Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have started to decorate penises.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
