What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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