then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
