we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
