Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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