will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
