Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
