It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
