I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
