i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
