I'm so fucking centered right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
