There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
