And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How naked do you want me to be?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
