You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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