i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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