I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'