So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT