My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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