I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.