If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize