I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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