You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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