I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
