we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
