Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
