I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
