gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
