So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
