lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
