You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize