Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
