i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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