thus making me awesome and them whores
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
