he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
