It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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