So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
smell my finger.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
