her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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