dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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