my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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