Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
