I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize