a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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