Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
