We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
