you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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