so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
