I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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