Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
