I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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