If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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