just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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