the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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