We won't sleep together?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Congratulations! We have a period
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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