are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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