I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
