After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's never too late to be topless.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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