i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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