I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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