mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
