Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
