So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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