I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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