at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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